Love is what makes a family...

Hello all!! It's been a while since I've posted anything. I guess that's a good thing! Life has been speeding along with us... We are fully settled and enjoying life as a party of 3. We have had family vacations, holidays, celebrations, losses - all the things a family goes through. Then, like the rest of you, the pandemic hit our lives and caused a screeching halt. Loren and I have been home for what seems like an eternity. Ryan is mostly home now which is a weight off our minds for his safety but brings it's own set of challenges. More than ever, I feel proud of my amazing daughter - she is handling this seclusion incredibly well. She is willingly helping with the church drive-through community meal, she is doing her online school work and helping with chores. We have all had our good days and bad days, but I am constantly impressed with her love of others, care for the world around us and her hilarious sense of humor. We continue to be reminded that not everyone ...

The question of the day... week... month... year. When are you adopting her? We answer honestly... That's completely up to her. Shortly follows some iteration of: Doesn't she know how lucky she is? Here's the short answer to that. The 14 years she lived through to get to us would not make ANYONE feel "lucky." But yes, as far as who she ended up with in the foster system, she is happy and feels something like lucky. That does not mean that she trusts the system or us enough to be stuck with us forever. I have asked this a lot... "how long did you know your husband / wife before you got married? Was it more than a year?" Being adopted is a huge commitment. Especially for a 15 year old who has been burned. A lot. If you wouldn't be willing to marry someone in less than a year, why should a child be willing to be adopted in the same time frame? It's a choice on both sides. Just because we are willing doesn't mean she needs to accep...

Here's the thing. And some of you won't love this... and some of you will think that my situation is different or haven't been a mom long enough or whatever... but... My daughter will never be my best friend. My mom will never be mine. I love hanging out with my mom. She's the best mother that has ever walked the earth. She's amazing in every single way and I can talk to her about almost anything. She's always got my back and we have a genuinely good time together. Still, she's not my best friend. My mom will always be my mom so she can say things to me that absolutely nobody anywhere ever can say to me. My relationship with her is so much deeper and profound than a best friend. I'm made from her DNA. She created my life with her own body. She's my mother. My daughter is hilarious and fun. We have an awesome time together. She talks to me about a lot of things. We are comfortable. She trusts me. I will always be her mom and she will always be m...

So, here I am having a perfectly wonderful day... Loren is doing well, we even had a great conversation about improving my selfie game this afternoon. Things are great at work and with Ryan... we are doing amazingly well as a unit And then. Tears. From nowhere. No warning. Nothing. There's something about knowing that there's this amazing experience that I will never know. There's this unspoken understanding about how it feels to knit together a new human and bring that person into the world and raise it. I won't feel baby kicks. I won't have a tiny human that looks back at me with my own eyes or Ryan's smile... or have the dimple in his chin or my horrible feet. My dad, who is battling early dementia, loves his grandchildren. His genes are so strong and so many of them look so much like him. He won't have that bond with my children. He won't look at them and have that feeling that he's looking in a mirror from so many years ago. There wi...

For years I thought that I really desperately wanted a baby... like, a tiny, fresh out, baby. A tiny human, totally reliant on us for everything. A baby that we could dote on and raise all the way... from a clear mind to a full-grown human... I thought that is what would make me really feel like a mom... and they would look at me as being their mom. As we started this journey, we knew we also wanted to take in kids that needed us. Kids that needed our unique life experiences and to receive the patience and love we can provide. After our second heartbreak, I really didn't believe I could do it again. I needed that baby... the tiny human that I could hug and love and protect. The baby who couldn't fight against my love... a baby who is comfortable needing me... who would let me control their life (to some extent anyway!) Then... Ryan took a step in faith and convinced me to try one more teenager. It's important to mention here that 12 years ago, this same man said he wo...

I've been told for a lot of years now that one of these days I'm going to get tired and burned out. I have simply laughed. "You don't know me!" I've responded, "I'm never tired!" Time has gone on and the years have passed.... I have moved into a different phase of life. Adding a bigger job to the plate, more community events, boards and committees along with adding the most important hat to the large collection I now wear: the mom hat. When we first went through the foster parenting classes people told us "get ready, your lives are about to change" - which we found really annoying. Obviously, we knew our lives were about to change. We were ready to a change we assured everyone. Yes, we know we can't drop everything and head out of town for the weekend anymore or go out to an expensive dinner on a whim mid-week - we knew what we were giving up and were completely fine with it. The trade-off is more than worth it. For the first ...