Love is what makes a family...

So... a lot has happened since my last post.... I will sum it up quickly so that you might have a little idea of where I am coming from this Christmas season... Ryan and I have had many sturggles this year. Health, financial, job, stress, relational - you name it! I had surgery a month or so ago only to find out that the best treatment for me costs too much for us to consider it an option right now. I am trying to move to full-time at CASA but since it's a non-profit and times are tough, there is not enough financial backing to make it possible right now, so I am still working 2 jobs and getting very tired... Ryan has had a tough semester adjusting to being back in classes and still keeping his 40 hours at work along with the stress that he works for a construction company which hasn't got any work in a long time. These things start to build up and around Christmas time (which is also the most expensive time...) it's hard to feel the "wonder" and "awe" o...

Ok, so, Monday mornings are often are the crappiest of mornings, but this one just really takes the cake. I mean, literally, if I had cake and was about to take a big bite, this morning would have ripped it out of my hand, taken a huge bite and washed it down with a cold glass of milk right in my face. I woke up late with a raging headache (this is following a terrible night's sleep), got in the shower which had NO pressure and wouldn't get super hot - I have no clue why, other than the fact that Monday mornings are spiteful and mean. Got out and got dressed, drank a little coffee then didn't have time to dry my hair since I was running late. Threw on my shoes and grabbed a campbell's soup at hand and an apple and jumped in the car. I realized then that I left my cell phone and planner in the house. Had to go back to get them. Got back in the car and realized that something in there smells funny - I still have NOT checked that one out. Backed down the driveway and pulle...

So, we had a scare on Wednesday since Xanthe wasn't able to eat right away, but thanks to all the prayers so did start eating and they got to go home. She is SO beautiful - what a blessing! I feel like we have been baby bombarded this weekend! First of all, it seems like EVERYONE has or is having babies!! We have been right in the middle of Xanthe coming into the world for the last week, then our friends Kandi and Steve had their baby so we were there Sunday afternoon before going to.... yep, Ryan went with me.... Babies R us for yet another baby shower gift. It seems like I have been spending a lot of time (and a LOT of money!) in that store... I almost started asking about rewards programs and stuff!! I am feeling good that more and more we are assured that our lives are being held carefully in God's hands and that He has perfect timing for us for all the blessings that this life will bring. We are so thankful to have this time to grow together and learn more about each other...

It's been an interesting few days... We have been waiting patiently (or not so patiently) for Xanthe Noelle (my brother and sister-in-law's) baby to be born. We had been thinking "anytime now" for the last 3 weeks. Well, Monday night I had a feeling I should make sure and keep my cell phone close, and sure enough, at 12:30am-ish it started going off. It was Tim saying Annie's water had broken and he would call back soon and let me know if I should head over to take care of CJ (their 4 year old daughter). He soon called back and said "yeah, get over here!" so I threw on a hoodie and some flip flops (I already had shorts on, no worries!) and got over there! Annie was walking around and packing some last minute things. They said "it could be 20 minutes or 2 hours before we have to leave" I said, "ok, cool." So, we talked for a while. We watched a little tv. Around 2:30 or so I said I was going to try and get some sleep but I would take C...

Do you ever look back at your life and see huge mistakes that you made? Maybe at the time it didn't seem like a mistake, but now you can see it was? I'm caught in amazement this morning thinking back on the last few years. I know that I have handled more tough situations badly than well. I know I had made many mistakes. How then, do I have such confidence in where I am and what I am doing now? If I made life-changing decisions based on pride or frustration which threw me into a totally different place, how is that place where I should be?! Does this make any sense to anyone? I mean, let's say I made a giant mistake which causes my life track to be completely turned around, how did I end up in a place that feels like I should have been here all along?

Have you ever had something happen that is so painful that it makes you sick? Like, someone said something to hurt you or told you something they should never have told you or you found something out that you were never supposed to know? I wish that there was a way to turn emotions on and off. Or maybe put in a drain that whenever you are so filled with hurt, anger or other painful emotions that you could just turn on the faucet and let them all out. I'm finding that I don't know how to deal with some of these things. How do you explain to people that you already have more than enough to deal with and don't need more? How do you balance what you feel you "should" do with what you "want" to do with what you really need to do?! How do you know what it is that you need to do? What if you THINK it's what you need but then find out it was only what you want? How do you tell someone they they've hurt you when you know all that will do is hurt them? How...

Feeling pretty good this morning... I am having a "small procedure" done this afternoon. The last time they told me that they said it would be completely painless - well, it was nothing like painless. I had pain and cramps for about a week. This one they said might be "uncomfortable" - yeah, if painless meant what that did, what is uncomfortable?! Guess we'll see in about 5 and a half hours. I am praying that this works as the options left if it doesn't are quite undesirable... any prayers are appreciated! So... moving onto a more positive note... I went to Sephora last night for the first time ever... luckily Michelle went with me - yeah, she's the best friend one could ever ask for. As many of you know, I am not a make-up wearer, but for some reason when I dressed up like a princess for my neice's birthday party and wore what looked to me like Barbie make-up, I got all kinds of compliments (especially from my husband!) So, heading on over there I w...

It's been a long, long time since I've had a blog... I've recently been encouraged to start one back up, so we will see how it goes! So much has happened in the last couple of years, and God has been SO evident through all of it. I can look back now and see why things have happened the way that they have and am so thankful to have a God that cares as much as He does to work in all the complicated ways that he does! Ryan and I have just passed our one year anniversary and are feel as blessed as ever to have been brought together. We are so thankful to have the jobs that we do (however long and complex the road was to get them!) and are often reminded of how lucky we are to own the wonderful home we do - however much work there is to do. More and more I am reminding myself to count my blessings. How easy it is to see the negatives and focus on the worries of life instead of thanking God for having the things that we do. We have faced so many trials the last 2 years and have f...