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Christmas time....

So... a lot has happened since my last post.... I will sum it up quickly so that you might have a little idea of where I am coming from this Christmas season... Ryan and I have had many sturggles this year. Health, financial, job, stress, relational - you name it! I had surgery a month or so ago only to find out that the best treatment for me costs too much for us to consider it an option right now. I am trying to move to full-time at CASA but since it's a non-profit and times are tough, there is not enough financial backing to make it possible right now, so I am still working 2 jobs and getting very tired... Ryan has had a tough semester adjusting to being back in classes and still keeping his 40 hours at work along with the stress that he works for a construction company which hasn't got any work in a long time. These things start to build up and around Christmas time (which is also the most expensive time...) it's hard to feel the "wonder" and "awe" of the season.
I was beginning to spiral down into a "bah, humbug!" kind of attitude. A single friend of mine came over, also feeling pretty bummed all around about Christmas, and was convinced that since she's single, she shouldn't decorate or get a Christmas tree. "WHAT?" I said "You HAVE to get a Christmas tree!!" "I don't even celebrate Christmas, anyway" she replied curtly "You know I'm not religious. And I think it's mean to kill trees!" I was so bummed out when she left I was determined to buy her a Christmas tree while she was at work one day. Well, a week went by and I hadn't had the chance. I was starting to think she was right. Maybe Christmas IS just another day and the only reason we're exicted as kids is because of the presents. I wanted so badly to feel that fuzzy feeling when I drove down the street and saw all the lights, but all I felt was the pressure to get the cookies baked, groceries and last minute gifts bought and wrapped, and the need for extra hours at work to pay for it all. My friend and I made plans to go to dinner together and I was still thinking I would go and get a Christmas tree for her and bring it when I came to pick her up. So, I called her about an hour before we were getting together and she was SO excited "I GOT A CHRISTMAS TREE!!" she yelled into the phone "I'm so excited!! I'm going to pick it up and will meet you at the house so you can help me move it in!" I went over there and helped her move her incredibly heavy (root ball - replantible) tree into the house. I have been praying for this girl for 10 years. She is more family to me than some of my family. As I looked at her it was like we were kids again. She started telling me about how when she was little and they still went to church she used to love watching the handbell choir - she was just in awe of how they could get that beautiful music out of those little bells, and how they all knew to ring at just the right time. She said as she was running errand that day the memory came back to her and she thought "I do need a little Christmas this year..."
Wow. How could I have missed it? Christmas isn't about spending too much or trying to get everything done. Christmas is stopping and listening and letting the awe of the first Christmas wash over you. How could I have missed something I have been taught since I was so little? If I want it to feel like Christmas again, all I have to do is think about what Christmas really means.

Comments

Anne said…
You Posted!
And it was an Amazing post!

Merry Christmas Princess NayNay
December 18, 2008 at 5:32 PM
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