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Epiphany!

So, I have been struggling with a lot recently. It's so strange that I am discovering all this during Lent - no, not strange, God. I am observing the 40 days of Lent for the first time in a long time. I am truly searching for significance, for my purpose. I've felt distant - pretty much from everything for a while now. I've been thinking that it's ok for me to be in a rut, to be lacking in passion for anything because this is my "waiting" time. I am constantly looking at my life thinking "when Ryan's finished with school..." "when we start our family..." "when the test results say...." I find myself saying these things about everything. Work, home, relationships, family. But, God is showing me that this is NOT a waiting time! This is a time of preparation!!
I have been worrying that I somehow missed a turn, that maybe I'm not supposed to be here right now. Am I like this because I have been running from God's big life calling for me? Am I Jonah? No! I'm Moses, God has taken my mistakes and my shortfalls and led me to this EXACT place for an exact purpose. After Moses' heart was broken for his people, he had a time of preparation. He had a job, got married, worked hard. I am in the job I need to be in. I am in the life phase I need to be in. I have the people in my life that I need. God is in control - how is it so easy to forget that?! God knew the exact time to come to Moses in the burning bush. Was it easy? No. Was it God's perfect timing? Yes. Like Nehemiah, my heart has been broken for a people. I know that God has big plans for me - for each of us. He hasn't forgotten me, nor has he given up on me because I mess up too much. Each mistake and mess up are just more opportunities for Him to lead me, to comfort me, to show me that He can use anyone and anything. I am in my "40 years" - hopefully not literally! My prayer now is that I use this time to truly prepare myself for what is next. My prayer is that when God comes to me I won't say no but that I will willingly do what I am being called to.

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