Love is what makes a family...

so, maybe it's the ticking of my biological clock or maybe it's that I can't look at Facebook for more that 15 seconds to see my friends with their beautiful babies but I feel like I am literally losing my mind with baby fever.  I've wanted a baby for as long as I can remember, I did go through many a phase of "I'm never going to have babies" but anyone who knew me knew it was just exactly that - a phase.  After getting married 5 years ago, Ryan and I had several baby "scares" - they may have been scares to him, but to me, they were moments of pure excitement.  Unfortunately, no babies ever came.  We are at a phase now where I think people are assuming that we just don't want to have children.  Where a few years ago we couldn't go more than a few days without someone asking "when are you going to start a family??" we now only get the awkward question "you guys don't have kids?" Seeing friends complain about how ha...

As I come up on my 29th birthday, I feel good about what I have been able to accomplish so far in life. My main concern now is that i'm able to grow in maturity and as I move into a phase of life where I no longer get a pass for "being young" and that I will no longer need it. There are so many people I identify with that are criticized for things they should have learned in their younger years. I pray I won't be one of those women. God grant me wisdom, humility and grace.

So much of this last year I've been so discontented. I've been frustrated that things are moving slower than I hoped at work, school work takes so much time, my best friend lives in Africa... It's so easy to fall into playing the victim. Even with so many blessings - a job, a home, my health. It's still easy to pay more attention to the the times I feel taken advantage of, the things that make me feel like "why do these things always happen to me?" Why is this? Why is it always so much easier to be distracted by negative than celebrate the positives? Well, tonight I had an epiphany. I am so incredibly blessed. I have the most amazing and understanding husband, an amazing job that is making a difference in our community, a home, the worlds best dog, a best friend who has remained my best friend while living half a world away, and most importantly, a God who shows love, grace and understanding no matter how inward looking I become. Usually it's around than...

wow, it's been over 2 years since I've had anything to say on here.  Sure, life has been crazy but that's not really a very good reason.  So, I'm laying here thinking about life, thinking about relationships, thinking about where I've been and where I'm headed.  I'm almost finished with grad school - it's been a pretty horrible year trying to balance everything and through it all I just kept hearing "it's only a year"  "you will be so glad you did it!" Now I'm looking back at a year of my life that I barely remember except for sitting in my office reading, cussing over online tests and staying up through the night finishing papers (and I still have 3 months ahead of me!!)  Has it all been worth it so far? I feel like I've missed out of an important year of my life.  Taking school out of the equation, what is all this stuff that I shove into my life to keep busy??  Am I really spending time where I should be?  Am I building...