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wow, it's been over 2 years since I've had anything to say on here.  Sure, life has been crazy but that's not really a very good reason.  So, I'm laying here thinking about life, thinking about relationships, thinking about where I've been and where I'm headed.  I'm almost finished with grad school - it's been a pretty horrible year trying to balance everything and through it all I just kept hearing "it's only a year"  "you will be so glad you did it!" Now I'm looking back at a year of my life that I barely remember except for sitting in my office reading, cussing over online tests and staying up through the night finishing papers (and I still have 3 months ahead of me!!)  Has it all been worth it so far? I feel like I've missed out of an important year of my life.  Taking school out of the equation, what is all this stuff that I shove into my life to keep busy??  Am I really spending time where I should be?  Am I building relationships with the right people?  I know I'm not even 30 and it's too early to be getting a mid-life crisis, but I'm really starting to feel my life slip away. 
I used to wholeheartedly believe that one person could change the world.  I believed that I was a piece in a larger picture and that I had a specific mission to accomplish.  I am proud of the work I've done, but I'm starting to doubt that one person can make a difference - or if they can, I certainly can't.  Never have I had this defeated and negative view of the world.  Was believing I was made for something more just naivety of youth?  Or is this a spiritual attack? 
I remember when I was little my mom told me that her role in life was to have babies and raise them as good people that would make a difference to the world.  She believed we each had a role to play and that God would do great things through us.  Had she always believed this was her role in life or did she feel defeated and so devoted her life to make sure her kids could truly do something great?
So, I'm left wondering if I took a detour from my path.  Am I making a big enough change?  Does what I'm doing with my life matter?  I don't have children to let inherit what I can't accomplish. 

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