I very rarely blog... I guess I feel that in general I wear my heart on my sleeve and there are few things I could have to share - and those things are generally things I would never want shared...
However, I am currently overcome with a need to write some thoughts.
Each year around this time - approaching my birthday - I like to take a few moments to reflect on the last year. To look back on the past 12 months - the new experiences I've had, people I've met, challenges I've faced and opportunities I missed. Each year as I do this, I hope to see more times of being open to adventures and embracing obstacles that appear unmanageable. I hope to see growth in abilities and maturity. I hope to see the decisions of where to spend my time were wise ones.
Maybe I increased the pressure this past year - I've always felt as though I could use my 20's to still "figure things out" but by 30, well, the path should be clear and I should be on it. What I do know is that this year has been difficult and full of self-discovery.
I've faced many new professional challenges this year and some times where it felt as though the storm would not pass. Throughout the year I have had a few friends who have spoken honestly to me when I didn't want to hear it and challenged me to be a better person. I am blessed to have people who believe in me when I don't believe in myself and challenge me to "act like an A-player whether I believe I am or not."
Just around the time I was beginning to feel proud of the accomplishments I have been part of this year this year and looking back at the places I have grown, interesting words were spoken to me by one of these friends: "YOU SUCK AT TAKING CARE OF YOURSELF."
These words began to haunt me. As I entered this weekend I was faced with a new challenge - how do I take care of myself? and am I truly not doing it?
I was then smacked with reality - there is one question that I hate beyond all others. One question that I am terrible at faking my way through. "What do you do to take your mind off work?"
The answer? I don't.
So - into the weekend with a new challenge and adventure I went. We went out of town for a wedding and took some extra time to get in a few bike rides and I realized something as I hit a particularly hard trail - I absolutely love the feeling of seeing a trail with no end, having no idea where it's going and knowing I have to power my way through it. As I began peddling up (literally) a mountain, my mind cleared. All I was thinking about was the rhythmic peddling and reminder that I could make it. When I reached the top, the view was unreal. I looked back at the winding pathways, the intense grade and tight curves I had made it through. Then, the best part happened - I got to go back down. For once, instead of thinking I was somehow "cheating" by not having to work hard, I realized it's okay to enjoy the downhill.
We headed home from the wedding to attend another gathering... a celebration of life for a 5-month old baby boy. In all honesty, this was one of the very last things I wanted to do. I can't imagine losing a baby at only 5 months old. However, a spectacular thing happened in that room. The preachers began to speak about hope, about how the prayers of God's people were not in vain, that the devil didn't win. That baby lived a life of purpose. In only 5 months, that baby changed the lives of hundreds of people by being himself - for fighting when Doctors expected him to give up.
Waking up this morning, thinking about Memorial Day and the lives that were lost to allow others freedom I **almost** felt the pressure from my shoulders rise. All I need to do today is peddle one foot at a time, and when the downhill comes - it's okay to to enjoy it! I am faced with the realization that maybe riding a bike works for today to take my mind off work, it might not work tomorrow. It really doesn't matter. What matters is that I remember to peddle when times are rough and find freedom in the downhill.
While I may never be an "A-player" - what matters is that I wake up each day and fight, even when others expect me to quit.
However, I am currently overcome with a need to write some thoughts.
Each year around this time - approaching my birthday - I like to take a few moments to reflect on the last year. To look back on the past 12 months - the new experiences I've had, people I've met, challenges I've faced and opportunities I missed. Each year as I do this, I hope to see more times of being open to adventures and embracing obstacles that appear unmanageable. I hope to see growth in abilities and maturity. I hope to see the decisions of where to spend my time were wise ones.
Maybe I increased the pressure this past year - I've always felt as though I could use my 20's to still "figure things out" but by 30, well, the path should be clear and I should be on it. What I do know is that this year has been difficult and full of self-discovery.
I've faced many new professional challenges this year and some times where it felt as though the storm would not pass. Throughout the year I have had a few friends who have spoken honestly to me when I didn't want to hear it and challenged me to be a better person. I am blessed to have people who believe in me when I don't believe in myself and challenge me to "act like an A-player whether I believe I am or not."
Just around the time I was beginning to feel proud of the accomplishments I have been part of this year this year and looking back at the places I have grown, interesting words were spoken to me by one of these friends: "YOU SUCK AT TAKING CARE OF YOURSELF."
These words began to haunt me. As I entered this weekend I was faced with a new challenge - how do I take care of myself? and am I truly not doing it?
I was then smacked with reality - there is one question that I hate beyond all others. One question that I am terrible at faking my way through. "What do you do to take your mind off work?"
The answer? I don't.So - into the weekend with a new challenge and adventure I went. We went out of town for a wedding and took some extra time to get in a few bike rides and I realized something as I hit a particularly hard trail - I absolutely love the feeling of seeing a trail with no end, having no idea where it's going and knowing I have to power my way through it. As I began peddling up (literally) a mountain, my mind cleared. All I was thinking about was the rhythmic peddling and reminder that I could make it. When I reached the top, the view was unreal. I looked back at the winding pathways, the intense grade and tight curves I had made it through. Then, the best part happened - I got to go back down. For once, instead of thinking I was somehow "cheating" by not having to work hard, I realized it's okay to enjoy the downhill.
We headed home from the wedding to attend another gathering... a celebration of life for a 5-month old baby boy. In all honesty, this was one of the very last things I wanted to do. I can't imagine losing a baby at only 5 months old. However, a spectacular thing happened in that room. The preachers began to speak about hope, about how the prayers of God's people were not in vain, that the devil didn't win. That baby lived a life of purpose. In only 5 months, that baby changed the lives of hundreds of people by being himself - for fighting when Doctors expected him to give up.
Waking up this morning, thinking about Memorial Day and the lives that were lost to allow others freedom I **almost** felt the pressure from my shoulders rise. All I need to do today is peddle one foot at a time, and when the downhill comes - it's okay to to enjoy it! I am faced with the realization that maybe riding a bike works for today to take my mind off work, it might not work tomorrow. It really doesn't matter. What matters is that I remember to peddle when times are rough and find freedom in the downhill.
While I may never be an "A-player" - what matters is that I wake up each day and fight, even when others expect me to quit.
Comments