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Learning to like myself...


So, Saturday morning Ryan and I hit the greenways on our bikes... as usual, I took off up ahead - left to the sounds of my own breathing and my own thoughts.  After a few minutes, I stopped to find my headphones and start some music.  As I kept riding, loud music blasting, I couldn't stop myself from wondering why I hate being alone with my thoughts. 
I've been through this other times in life. Weeks and months when the idea of being alone in silence is horrifying.  At the base of this terror, I believe is a lack of acceptance of myself. Here's the interesting part - If I don't even like being with me, how and why do I expect others to??

I took out my headphones and forced myself to keep riding ahead.  Alone.  Alone with my own thoughts.  I would love to be able to say that by the end of the ride, I had reconciled with myself and worked out all my internal issues, but that's not true.  I will say, that acknowledging the issues exist and spending time confronting the most disappointing parts of myself was incredibly empowering. 

 My challenge to myself is to get back in the habit of incorporating silence into my life. To stop spending every minute I'm in my car on the phone.  To leave the TV and radio turned off.  To spend some time with myself and learn not only to love and accept myself but to like spending time with myself as well.

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