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You're worthy... but not a savior


So, Maybe I'm the only person who struggles with this, but I somehow think I'm probably not.  I struggle with this strange balance of believing that I am worthy of life and the responsibility for running everyone else's for them.  Let me explain a little more... there are days I wake up and feel like a total failure unworthy of the life I've been given - those days are rough.  Then there are days I feel as though anything that's wrong in someone else's life is somehow my fault - those are rougher. 
I have struggled for years trying to understand this about myself.  I think on some level I believe that if I spend my life fixing other people's, I am somehow then worthy of the life I've been given.  Maybe some days I just believe I am stronger and wiser than most!  Who knows?!  All I know is that for years, my friendships have been built on my ability to do something for the other person.  That is, until recently. 
I am so thankful for people who speak into my life when I don't want to hear it.  One of my mentors has challenged me again and again with this: "You might be wonderful and amazing, but there's only one Savior and it's not you."  WOW. Puts things into perspective.  It's not my job to save others, to fix other or to change their circumstances to make their lives easier. It's my job to be here as a friend when they reach out for help. 
There are days since I've been working on this that I feel totally selfish and like a horrible friend. Other days I think "Hey, this is cool. These people want to hang out with me even when I have nothing to offer them!"  
I've lost friends through this process... but maybe they weren't friends to begin with.  I still have a tendency to pick up those people who will friend those they believe can do something for them... but I am getting better (I promise, I am!) at saying no or not offering to fix things that aren't mine to fix. 
I hope I am being a more responsible and healthy friend... I am working on the balance!

Comments

Stan R. Mitchell said…
Glad you're working on balance.

And quit being so hard on yourself, gf! lol

Say after me: "My name is Naomi. I am awesome."

"My name is Naomi. I am awesome."

"My name is Naomi. I am awesome."
July 24, 2014 at 7:55 PM
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