This is probably one of the hardest blogs I will ever write, but the longer I go without doing it the more I feel like it's my only option.
First secret (not so secret)... I am desperate to be a mom. Not, like, tomorrow - however, I would be okay with that - but to know that in my life I will get to nurture and raise a life. To experience the joys and heartache that only parenthood can give. Ryan is also desperate to be dad which intensifies this need for a child. We have experienced loss and hurt. We have been asked when we are having kids, have been applauded for embracing a life without kids, been given pep talks that our baby is out there and told that we really don't want kids because they're a pain in the butt. I don't for a minute want this to sound like I think we are the only couple who has ever or will ever deal with this - several of my closest friends have experienced these same feelings... which is probably why this is such a hard blog to write.
I've spent the last 5-6 years in a circle of desperation over wanting a child, feeling good about not for right now and even having times where I have felt like we have another calling and might never have children. At this point, however, I have decided to - again - try to let things be, stay calm, and pray that whatever will be, will be.
So, here's the hard part. I want to talk to my daughter - Lily Gwendoline Marie Asher. I feel more and more each day that she is out there and will be in our home. Just like I used to write letters to my future husband before I met him, I want to write a letter to her. My daughter.
Dear Lily -
I have prayed for you for as long as I can remember. I know that timing is everything in life and that there are things that your daddy and I need to learn to be ready to be your parents. I can't wait to hold you in my arms and tell you in person just how amazing and perfect you are. We are praying for your birth mom, she loves you so much that she is willing to give you to us - we pray that we can be worthy of this sacrifice. We love you so much that it's hard to put it into words. You are a miracle and gift that we will never feel deserving of, just know that we will do our very best to show you each and every day just how much you are loved and mean to us.
We can't wait until you get here! Your daddy already sings songs to you and working hard on learning to tell dad jokes as well as the stern face he will use to tell you your shorts are too short.
We will do our best. We promise. Until then, we love you and are praying for you.
Love,
Mommy
xoxo
First secret (not so secret)... I am desperate to be a mom. Not, like, tomorrow - however, I would be okay with that - but to know that in my life I will get to nurture and raise a life. To experience the joys and heartache that only parenthood can give. Ryan is also desperate to be dad which intensifies this need for a child. We have experienced loss and hurt. We have been asked when we are having kids, have been applauded for embracing a life without kids, been given pep talks that our baby is out there and told that we really don't want kids because they're a pain in the butt. I don't for a minute want this to sound like I think we are the only couple who has ever or will ever deal with this - several of my closest friends have experienced these same feelings... which is probably why this is such a hard blog to write.
I've spent the last 5-6 years in a circle of desperation over wanting a child, feeling good about not for right now and even having times where I have felt like we have another calling and might never have children. At this point, however, I have decided to - again - try to let things be, stay calm, and pray that whatever will be, will be.
So, here's the hard part. I want to talk to my daughter - Lily Gwendoline Marie Asher. I feel more and more each day that she is out there and will be in our home. Just like I used to write letters to my future husband before I met him, I want to write a letter to her. My daughter.
Dear Lily -
I have prayed for you for as long as I can remember. I know that timing is everything in life and that there are things that your daddy and I need to learn to be ready to be your parents. I can't wait to hold you in my arms and tell you in person just how amazing and perfect you are. We are praying for your birth mom, she loves you so much that she is willing to give you to us - we pray that we can be worthy of this sacrifice. We love you so much that it's hard to put it into words. You are a miracle and gift that we will never feel deserving of, just know that we will do our very best to show you each and every day just how much you are loved and mean to us.
We can't wait until you get here! Your daddy already sings songs to you and working hard on learning to tell dad jokes as well as the stern face he will use to tell you your shorts are too short.
We will do our best. We promise. Until then, we love you and are praying for you.
Love,
Mommy
xoxo
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