Love is what makes a family...

Many of you have recently asked if we are taking another placement... the answer is a resounding yes... we are just taking some time. For a couple of reasons. The first being that this is the craziest time of the year for me work-wise and I want to be more available to help transition our kiddo(s) into our home and life. The second is that we really needed time to heal. We still talk to Greg often and it still hurts. We are taking some time to process and talk about what we can handle moving forward. There's no question that we will be parents again in time. I love the idea of taking a placement in time for the holidays... I've always wanted an elf of the shelf... Until then, thank you for your thoughts and prayers for us and the future Asher kids... So, I thought I was finished with this post... but in my effort to always be open, honest and upfront I feel compelled to edit as I sit scrolling through my Facebook newsfeed full of pregnancies, babies and growing chil...

It's been a while and I know a couple of you are wondering... what happens now and what's going on at the Asher house. Well, it's been a heartbreaking month. We talk to our boy at least every other day or so. We pray for him - and worry about him - constantly. We miss him a lot and talk about him a crazy amount. We don't know what the future holds, but we hope it's bright for him and that he will always know how deeply we love him. It's a strange thing to be a parent for the first time, for such a short time. It seems like it shouldn't have felt so normal to have a son, and that it shouldn't feel so strange now to no longer be a mom. But it's heartbreaking and lonely. To be honest, I am really struggling with feeling like myself. We did get away for a long weekend vacation which we desperately needed to try to reconnect with each other, heal and get prepared for our future. I can honestly say that while we had a good time and made strides towards ...

There's a lot on our hearts today. Our son will be leaving us tomorrow. We are heartbroken, but know that this is the best thing for him. This quote from the amazing Pat Summitt couldn't have come at a better time. We celebrate Pat and her life. We marvel at the significant difference she made in the lives of so many. She was so wise with these words. I am sure there were countless times she had to explain to the young people in her life that when the night looks darkest, it's because the dawn is coming and not because we have been forgotten. Hard times happen to help us grow and prepare us for what is coming. I pray that our boy knows that he isn't moving because life is cruel. He is moving because God has bigger plans for him. He needs to learn things he cannot learn with us. He needs to fly. We will pray for him daily and continue to have limited contact. My prayer remains the same - that he will not give in to becoming a statistic but rather choose a path...

I don't know about you, but when I'm feeling overwhelmed or sad and don't like that I'm not in control of everything I don't want to acknowledge that I'm not alone. If I feel alone, I feel justified in my feelings. If I've been abandoned by everyone, it's okay that I be angry, hurt or sad. I have always been deeply moved by the part in Harry Potter when Harry feels so frustrated that people don't believe him. He feels alone. Then, he has this exchange with (my favorite character) Luna: Luna: We believe you, by the way.... Harry: Thanks. Seems you’re about the only ones that do. Luna: I don’t think that’s true. But I suppose that’s how he wants you to feel. Harry: What do you mean? Luna: Well if I were You-Know-Who, I’d want you to feel cut off from everyone else. Because if it’s just you alone you’re not as much of a threat. I have the tendency to be like Harry. When I feel like no one understands what I am dealing with, I shut out the world ...

So June is always a big deal in the Asher House, but this year it was made even bigger with our boy's birthday joining the celebrations!! June 2 we celebrated our boy's 14th birthday... it was so fun to wake him up to waffles and gifts before dropping him off for his second-to-last day of school. A few days later we went to play paintball and had his older sister and younger 2 siblings join us from their homes along with his cousin and aunt. What an awesome day of celebration!! It was so sweet to see all the kids playing together - and to pop them with paint-balls on the battlefield! A couple of weeks later, I got to celebrate my birthday and Ryan got his first Father's Day. While we didn't want to make a big deal out of it being that it's another sensitive day, I can't let the month pass without saying again how AMAZING Ryan is at being a dad. He's SO understanding, patient and kind. He constantly chooses to be loving instead of mad, he gives up his quie...

Let me preface this blog entry with the fact that the only reason why Ryan and I have (what we believe to be...) a strong marriage is because of the amazing support and advice we have received from many. Advice from those who know far more than us has contributed to our professional and personal lives a great deal and we are very open to help from all!!  We have had a huge amount of helpful parenting advice since we opened our home... however, we have also had comments about how to deal with negative behaviors. Y es, we have been struggling and always try to be open about both the joys and the frustrations / hurts of what we are battling. However, we need to be clear that any child who comes into our home has experienced a great deal of trauma. A child who experiences trauma is not like a child who has not. You cannot always treat them the same, react to them the same, express love / anger the same, praise them the same or enforce consequences the same ways as children who have g...

It's Mother's Day! For years, I have deeply struggled with Mother's Day. While I love my own mother deeply, it's been hard to celebrate a day that brings with it such mixed feelings. I don't know what I expected for this Mother's Day... I certainly didn't have any expectations or desires of grand gestures or celebrations. What I didn't expect (and should have) was anger and frustrations. While making dinner the other night, Ryan brought up the subject of Mother's Day... and my boy looked right at me and said "I don't have to be nice to you, you're not my mom." Of course, tears sprung into my eyes. Not because I was hurt - I know I'm not his mom. Not surprise - I know how he feels about it. I guess it was just the hurt and shock that the hardest day of my year is also the hardest day of his year. Later that night, he came to me and asked why I was sad... I explained that Mother's Day always makes me sad because I don't...

I didn't think it would ever happen... but the time has come. I get to roll up to the school and see my kid out on the football field. It comes with stinky equipment. It comes with muddy cleats. It comes with laundry, dirty towels, and lots and lots of extra snacks. And I couldn't love it more. I can't wait to get a jersey with my boy's number on it. Scream at every game. Bring Gatorade for the team. and be the crazy football mom I always knew I could be.

My heart has been heavy for the last few days as I thought about writing my next post. I made a commitment that I would never for a minute be negative or give the impression that I'm not happy with this journey. As I prep the stage, let me explain that there is not one second of any day that has passed that I have had second thoughts about this adventure. Never once have I questioned that the sweet boy I now call son is meant to be here. He is who I have been praying for. He is the light of my life. But... Parenting is hard. I have felt like a failure many times this week. I have let things hurt me that I shouldn't have. I have been frustrated when I should have been understanding. I have let the doubts, fears and damage make me question myself. Worse still, those frustrations, doubts and fears make me feel guilty. How could I feel frustrated or exhausted by something I have prayed for and wanted for so long? So, here it is. I am finding balancing everything really hard. I...

So today was my kid's first day at school.  I thought pulling into school was bad enough when I had to go as a student... but MAN, this morning was rough.  How do you prepare a 13 year old to go into a brand new school full of 720+ kids that they've never met? How do you make sure that they have everything they need to be successful, make the right friends, not get picked on or in trouble? How do you make sure they feel loved and special all day? How do you make sure that they stand up for kids that need it and do the right things?  All I could do this morning was say "I promise I will be here at 2:45. I love you!" and watch this sweet and horribly nervous boy walk away.  Each hour of the day went slower than the one prior as I worried about what was happening. Whether he was making friends, whether kids were being nice to him, if teachers were being understanding and helping him, if he found all his classrooms... worries piled on worries until 2:45 and I saw him...

So, as many of you have seen, our boy moved in a few days early - of course, we were (and still are) THRILLED. We are transitioning better than expected and generally having a great time! We know that the newness will wear off and it will be challenging when things get "real" but until then, we are celebrating our new family status!! The thing that is touching my heart the absolute most right now, is this amazing man I married. I have loved him now for 10 years, but seeing him walking through the house explaining house rules, setting the example of helping with dinner, leading our family in grace before dinner and overhearing him talk about the importance of respecting others has made my heart just explode. All this time, I've been thinking about how desperate I am to be a mom, sometimes how much we want to be parents, but I haven't stopped to think about Ryan's heart to be a dad. This amazing man I love and respect as husband has seamlessly stepped into th...

So here's the thing with Foster Care. Kids who have been removed from their homes due to abuse or neglect are going through trauma. They are in the depths of a horrible situation that will stain their entire lives. They are being ripped from their family and everything they have known and thrown into a complicated welfare system. This system often fails, bouncing these innocent children around from home to home, admitting them into residential treatment facilities and then out into group homes. This lack of stability can further decrease waning self-esteem. Packing their belongings into trash bags before moving into another temporary situation making them feel even more unlovable. It has been on my heart as long as I can remember to be a mom, and more specifically, a mom to kids who don't already have one (even my baby dolls were always orphans). However, it's hard to celebrate my heart's desire coming to fruition when it's because of these circumstances. While I ...

So as we have blasted everywhere and I'm sure you have seen, Ryan and I are going to be foster parents!! We know this will be a wild journey, but we also know that it will bless our lives immensely.  We have had a lot of questions already that we haven't been sure how to answer, so I decided to get back into my blog and work through some of them! We want to be very open about our process and share our story with everyone in hopes that it might encourage others to step out in faith into a life that they are scared to go after! So... here goes.  Aren't you scared about how hard it will when kids leave?   Yes. Of course we are. We are terrified. However, we found this quote that we just fell in LOVE with when we were seriously talking about whether or not we could handle it: "We are not afraid to grieve, we are afraid of what will happen to these children if no one takes the risk to love them."  Why are you doing foster and not adoption? / Are you going to ...