Love is what makes a family...

My heart has been heavy for the last few days as I thought about writing my next post. I made a commitment that I would never for a minute be negative or give the impression that I'm not happy with this journey. As I prep the stage, let me explain that there is not one second of any day that has passed that I have had second thoughts about this adventure. Never once have I questioned that the sweet boy I now call son is meant to be here. He is who I have been praying for. He is the light of my life. But... Parenting is hard. I have felt like a failure many times this week. I have let things hurt me that I shouldn't have. I have been frustrated when I should have been understanding. I have let the doubts, fears and damage make me question myself. Worse still, those frustrations, doubts and fears make me feel guilty. How could I feel frustrated or exhausted by something I have prayed for and wanted for so long? So, here it is. I am finding balancing everything really hard. I...

So today was my kid's first day at school.  I thought pulling into school was bad enough when I had to go as a student... but MAN, this morning was rough.  How do you prepare a 13 year old to go into a brand new school full of 720+ kids that they've never met? How do you make sure that they have everything they need to be successful, make the right friends, not get picked on or in trouble? How do you make sure they feel loved and special all day? How do you make sure that they stand up for kids that need it and do the right things?  All I could do this morning was say "I promise I will be here at 2:45. I love you!" and watch this sweet and horribly nervous boy walk away.  Each hour of the day went slower than the one prior as I worried about what was happening. Whether he was making friends, whether kids were being nice to him, if teachers were being understanding and helping him, if he found all his classrooms... worries piled on worries until 2:45 and I saw him...

So, as many of you have seen, our boy moved in a few days early - of course, we were (and still are) THRILLED. We are transitioning better than expected and generally having a great time! We know that the newness will wear off and it will be challenging when things get "real" but until then, we are celebrating our new family status!! The thing that is touching my heart the absolute most right now, is this amazing man I married. I have loved him now for 10 years, but seeing him walking through the house explaining house rules, setting the example of helping with dinner, leading our family in grace before dinner and overhearing him talk about the importance of respecting others has made my heart just explode. All this time, I've been thinking about how desperate I am to be a mom, sometimes how much we want to be parents, but I haven't stopped to think about Ryan's heart to be a dad. This amazing man I love and respect as husband has seamlessly stepped into th...