My heart has been heavy for the last few days as I thought about writing my next post. I made a commitment that I would never for a minute be negative or give the impression that I'm not happy with this journey.
As I prep the stage, let me explain that there is not one second of any day that has passed that I have had second thoughts about this adventure. Never once have I questioned that the sweet boy I now call son is meant to be here. He is who I have been praying for. He is the light of my life.
But...
Parenting is hard. I have felt like a failure many times this week. I have let things hurt me that I shouldn't have. I have been frustrated when I should have been understanding. I have let the doubts, fears and damage make me question myself.
Worse still, those frustrations, doubts and fears make me feel guilty. How could I feel frustrated or exhausted by something I have prayed for and wanted for so long?
So, here it is. I am finding balancing everything really hard. I've been struggling with this adjustment and everything that comes with it.
However, here's the amazing part.
Every single day that I have felt like I can't do this, I've had a message, call or text from someone - often people I haven't had contact with for year - with nothing more than words of encouragement. When I have been broken down in frustration, I've had calls from close friends who are just checking in. My community has rallied around us - and many of them don't even know it.
We have had huge blessings like a gaming system and football equipment. We have been stopped everywhere from the gym to the grocery store by our community, just to make our son feel welcome. We can feel the prayers and support from those around us. It's truly overwhelming and amazing.
So, thank you! I pray that all 3 of us will be open to the prompting we may feel to encourage those around us.
As I prep the stage, let me explain that there is not one second of any day that has passed that I have had second thoughts about this adventure. Never once have I questioned that the sweet boy I now call son is meant to be here. He is who I have been praying for. He is the light of my life.
But...
Parenting is hard. I have felt like a failure many times this week. I have let things hurt me that I shouldn't have. I have been frustrated when I should have been understanding. I have let the doubts, fears and damage make me question myself.
Worse still, those frustrations, doubts and fears make me feel guilty. How could I feel frustrated or exhausted by something I have prayed for and wanted for so long?
So, here it is. I am finding balancing everything really hard. I've been struggling with this adjustment and everything that comes with it.
However, here's the amazing part.
Every single day that I have felt like I can't do this, I've had a message, call or text from someone - often people I haven't had contact with for year - with nothing more than words of encouragement. When I have been broken down in frustration, I've had calls from close friends who are just checking in. My community has rallied around us - and many of them don't even know it.
We have had huge blessings like a gaming system and football equipment. We have been stopped everywhere from the gym to the grocery store by our community, just to make our son feel welcome. We can feel the prayers and support from those around us. It's truly overwhelming and amazing.
So, thank you! I pray that all 3 of us will be open to the prompting we may feel to encourage those around us.
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