It's been a while and I know a couple of you are wondering... what happens now and what's going on at the Asher house. Well, it's been a heartbreaking month. We talk to our boy at least every other day or so. We pray for him - and worry about him - constantly. We miss him a lot and talk about him a crazy amount.
We don't know what the future holds, but we hope it's bright for him and that he will always know how deeply we love him.
It's a strange thing to be a parent for the first time, for such a short time. It seems like it shouldn't have felt so normal to have a son, and that it shouldn't feel so strange now to no longer be a mom. But it's heartbreaking and lonely. To be honest, I am really struggling with feeling like myself.
We did get away for a long weekend vacation which we desperately needed to try to reconnect with each other, heal and get prepared for our future. I can honestly say that while we had a good time and made strides towards those things, the heartbreak was in many ways worse sitting by the pool than being here at home.
While I have always said I would trade every exciting vacation Ryan and I have been on for a child, I have never wished I had that child while on vacation. It's the one time we look around and think "wow... that does not look super fun..." Parents at the beach and pool weighed down with 4 and 5 bags of supplies, parents at the airport frantic trying to get everyone through the security line and to the gate in time, parents in restaurants trying to sooth their hungry, sun burnt, exhausted babies... However, this time, all I could see were families, moms and dads with their kids building sand castles and lifelong memories. While the struggles are real, I understand just a glimpse of what the payoff is - and it was painful.
I know everyone wants to know when we will take our next placement - we do too. Right now, we are still healing. We are open to respite - taking kids for weekends, etc. so their foster parents can have a break - the one overnight we had was priceless and being able to offer that to other fosters is something we would love to do. As far as another placement, we will be doing it we just aren't sure when.
We don't know what the future holds, but we hope it's bright for him and that he will always know how deeply we love him.
It's a strange thing to be a parent for the first time, for such a short time. It seems like it shouldn't have felt so normal to have a son, and that it shouldn't feel so strange now to no longer be a mom. But it's heartbreaking and lonely. To be honest, I am really struggling with feeling like myself.
We did get away for a long weekend vacation which we desperately needed to try to reconnect with each other, heal and get prepared for our future. I can honestly say that while we had a good time and made strides towards those things, the heartbreak was in many ways worse sitting by the pool than being here at home.
While I have always said I would trade every exciting vacation Ryan and I have been on for a child, I have never wished I had that child while on vacation. It's the one time we look around and think "wow... that does not look super fun..." Parents at the beach and pool weighed down with 4 and 5 bags of supplies, parents at the airport frantic trying to get everyone through the security line and to the gate in time, parents in restaurants trying to sooth their hungry, sun burnt, exhausted babies... However, this time, all I could see were families, moms and dads with their kids building sand castles and lifelong memories. While the struggles are real, I understand just a glimpse of what the payoff is - and it was painful.
I know everyone wants to know when we will take our next placement - we do too. Right now, we are still healing. We are open to respite - taking kids for weekends, etc. so their foster parents can have a break - the one overnight we had was priceless and being able to offer that to other fosters is something we would love to do. As far as another placement, we will be doing it we just aren't sure when.
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Michele