Love is what makes a family...

So, this weekend I had one of my favorite and real interactions ever. It was with someone I have long loved but, honestly, don't know well. She asked a caring and innocent question about how things are going... and I broke down. While I tried to recover from the embarrassment and awkwardness she laughed and said "I feel SO MUCH BETTER. I really thought you were perfect." I have never laughed so hard. First, for anyone to think my life is perfect or to think that I have anywhere near any level of perfection is hysterical to me. Second, what a beautiful and honest reaction. None of us want to feel like we are the only one living flawed and it's hard to connect with someone whose cracks we can't see. The last year has been a whirlwind. To be honest, the last 2 years have been rocky and crazy. Moving house, transitioning to a new job, Ryan transitioning to a new job, foster parent training, our first 2 placements.... all of that brought out some of my worst parts. W...

Because we have wanted children for so long, it feels like we have to be perfect. I can't be frustrated about things and Ryan can't wish for alone time. We can't be tired or spent. This can put enormous pressure on all of us as a family. Life with our girl feels comfortable and easy - but there is still an adjustment. The ease we have had with her makes me feel guilty all over about our boy. How challenging the time was with him.  Pressure is heightened as we think about the small amount of time we have to influence her future decision making. Everything we do has to be the right example and set the right course. After more than 8.5 years of marriage, Ryan and I are used to a good amount of alone time. Time to do whatever we want. Time to go to movies and dinner and talk about life. Time to make decisions and get on the same page.  We banded together with our boy finding time to catch up and talk but after he left we slipped back into the easy life we have always had....

For those of you who haven't seen us out and about... it's been 2 weeks since our girl moved in and we are so happy. She seems to be settling into life here well. We have been hitting the gym most days, she's been doing homework at my office after school and we have been cooking together most days. We are all getting more comfortable and life is good. I thought I would be sad to let my perfect guestroom go... it was the room in the house I could go and sit in when everything was a mess and it was so perfect, organized and calm... I didn't think I would be okay with it having a cluttered dresser with make-up and papers, seeing the best unmade and wrinkled and all the other things living in a room does to it! This morning I walked by the open door and saw the new curtains we picked out together hanging, the new comforter hastily thrown back in place, stuffed animals and throw pillows piled up and books on the nightstand - my heart almost burst with love. There is nothin...