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Showing posts from May, 2017

He is faithful...

I have hated so much the years of "give you hurt to God" and "trust in Him and everything will work out." For every tear and stab through my heart of wanting so desperately to be a mom, those words felt like a twist of the knife. How do I just give the hurt up and trust something that I believed each day less and less would happen? How do I not resent a God who seems to be blessing every person in my Facebook feed and not me? Yes, I know I am far from the only person dealing with wanting to be a mom. But, those of you who have you own battles would agree that the road often feels lonely and dark. Last Mother's Day was so healing for me in so many ways. To cry with a boy who so desperately wanted to be with his mom who also found space for me in his life and his heart was amazing. This year, my heart has exploded. While it hasn't been without trials and frustrations, I feel as though I have finally found my daughter. Much like when I found Ryan, something h...

Finding our daughter

One of my favorite reads EVER is the amazing and honest story from Nia Vardalos who adopted her daughter when she was just 3 years old. When she describes meeting her for the first time (as seen in this clip ) she knew that this precious girl was her daughter. Nia has been open and honest about her process - from the failed IVF treatments and struggles with conception to the pain and struggle she had over being childless. Nia and her husband decided to move forward with a child who was in a foster-to-adopt situation. The story is amazing and a 14-year journey. Reading her stories (I plan to read her book asap...) has been inspiring and comforting. So many of her feelings of inadequacy and insecurity speak to my heart. Additionally, it gives me hope and strength in our journey. While it wasn't necessarily immediate with our girl that she's ours and she came to us as an almost adult and not a small child... this experience reminds me of Nia's story. When we sit watching a...