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He is faithful...

I have hated so much the years of "give you hurt to God" and "trust in Him and everything will work out." For every tear and stab through my heart of wanting so desperately to be a mom, those words felt like a twist of the knife. How do I just give the hurt up and trust something that I believed each day less and less would happen? How do I not resent a God who seems to be blessing every person in my Facebook feed and not me? Yes, I know I am far from the only person dealing with wanting to be a mom. But, those of you who have you own battles would agree that the road often feels lonely and dark.

Last Mother's Day was so healing for me in so many ways. To cry with a boy who so desperately wanted to be with his mom who also found space for me in his life and his heart was amazing. This year, my heart has exploded. While it hasn't been without trials and frustrations, I feel as though I have finally found my daughter. Much like when I found Ryan, something has just clicked. It's hard to believe sometimes that she has only been with us 4 months and that she's not my own flesh and blood.

Today, she said "I should have got up and made you breakfast or something... but, I wanted to sleep." No sweeter words have been said. She is comfortable enough to be herself, she's thoughtful and I know she really cares. Not only that, but she used the money she has been working so hard for to buy me the sweetest presents I've ever received. She knows me and she was excited to celebrate our relationship. How a girl who has been through everything she has in her 17 years can still find room in her heart to trust and love is beyond me. She is resilient and a fighter - she is my kid through and through.

Side note... the necklace (a mother daughter set) she gave me of course made me cry and her response was "UGH, Don't cry. I'll never buy you anything ever again." AMAZING.


At the end of the long and emotional day, I was folding some laundry and getting ready for bed when my phone started ringing. It was my boy. He was allowed to make one call for Mother's Day and he wanted to call me.... "Hey mom... happy mother's day.... I love you and miss you..."
Bring on the waterworks.

This life isn't easy but I have never felt more confident or had my faith more affirmed.

Being a foster mom is what I was created to be. I love these kids more than I can ever say. My heart is overflowing.

God knew my path and has been preparing my heart, teaching me what I needed to know and guiding the amazing children to us that will be ours. For however long they stay with us, I will be their mom. I will love them. Embarrass them. Give them consequences. Read to them. Help them. Teach them. Guide them. Talk to them. Listen to them. I will do the things I have learned from my own amazing mom, sisters, aunts and friends. I will do what I can to impact their lives and hope that on some level they will all know that they are my kids. Each and every one.

Comments

Anonymous said…
Naomi, this is beautiful. Even as a mom of 6 boys, I've had my share of waiting on future plans & blessings, through divorce & remarriage, miscarriages & moves. I had a friend remind me today about the sun (& the Son) still being there through the storms, even if we couldn't see it at the moment with the clouds in the way. <3 I'm grateful that you've been able to have these struggles & experiences enhance your testimony, and that you've chosen to share that with others.
May 14, 2017 at 10:32 PM
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