So, our mantra has been that you can't fix 17 years in 7 months... and while we cling onto that, it doesn't stop our hearts from breaking.
While everything in me tells me that I have found my daughter, the world has said it happened too late.
I can't sleep for thinking about how things could have been different if she had been mine at birth, or 3 years old... 6 years old... 12 years old even... but by the time we found her, life had given her enough trauma that she couldn't accept our love and dreams for her.
In 2 weeks, my daughter will turn 18 and has made the choice to leave.
There's not much I can say about that other than how devastated we are.
We have wrestled with this. Cried over it. Been angry and hurt. However, there's no longer anything we can do.
We see so much for her. We see her talent and abilities. We see her drive and resilience. We can see her future as a nurse and someday a wife and mother. How do you cast that vision into someone who cannot see it for themselves?
For months I have been telling her "I can do 90%. I can care 90% enough for the both of us. I can fix the problems 90% of the way... but at some point, you have to give the other 10%... you have to move a little... give a little... care a little..." but when it came down to the wire, she chose no.
While we have talked about everything under the sun before taking a nap, gone for walks and sat getting our nails done. Laughed until our stomachs hurt and cried through movies. She has called me mom and we have said how much we love our family... it hasn't trumped the need inside her to prove to everyone that she is who she warned us she is.
I will pray for her forever. Keep her in my heart forever. She will be my girl forever. But in 2 weeks, we have to say goodbye and wish the best.
I can't sleep for thinking about how things could have been different if she had been mine at birth, or 3 years old... 6 years old... 12 years old even... but by the time we found her, life had given her enough trauma that she couldn't accept our love and dreams for her.
In 2 weeks, my daughter will turn 18 and has made the choice to leave.
There's not much I can say about that other than how devastated we are.
We have wrestled with this. Cried over it. Been angry and hurt. However, there's no longer anything we can do.
We see so much for her. We see her talent and abilities. We see her drive and resilience. We can see her future as a nurse and someday a wife and mother. How do you cast that vision into someone who cannot see it for themselves?
For months I have been telling her "I can do 90%. I can care 90% enough for the both of us. I can fix the problems 90% of the way... but at some point, you have to give the other 10%... you have to move a little... give a little... care a little..." but when it came down to the wire, she chose no.
While we have talked about everything under the sun before taking a nap, gone for walks and sat getting our nails done. Laughed until our stomachs hurt and cried through movies. She has called me mom and we have said how much we love our family... it hasn't trumped the need inside her to prove to everyone that she is who she warned us she is.
I will pray for her forever. Keep her in my heart forever. She will be my girl forever. But in 2 weeks, we have to say goodbye and wish the best.
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