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Continuing the journey...

To be honest... I have struggled with writing this post. I didn't want to. I still don't want to. Because I have to be honest. And I don't want to be. I don't want to share how I have been feeling. But here goes.

When Ryan and I started this journey, I was convinced that I would be the one who could stay positive all the time. I am the one people call the energizer bunny. I'm the one that has all the experience and I sure as heck "know what we are getting in to." I was sure that when a child left, I could take it and move forward and be completely open and ready for the next one in need of our love. 

I never thought I would be the one to struggle to keep my heart open after being broken. I didn't think my confidence would be shaken and that I would question this path. I never thought that if one of us would feel defeated that it would be me. 

But, then it was. 

When we first heard about our new placement, my first thought was "I can't do this again. I can't live through this again. I can't be hurt like this again." I looked over expecting Ryan's face to reflect my terrified thoughts, but instead I saw joy and love. "Would you guys be open to considering a 14 year old girl?" There was no pause. No hesitation. "Yeah! Absolutely!" the words flew with excitement from his mouth. I was paralyzed. Speechless. In my head I was screaming. "Don't you know that my heart is in a million pieces right now? No! Give me a baby. A sweet, cuddly baby. I can stay up all night. I can do diapers. I can do baby gates. I can do spit up." But Ryan's face. He is already in love. 

"I can feel it" he said later. "She's my daughter." 

It's taken longer to get excited this time, but I am getting there. We met her... and she's amazing. Sassy yet sweet and while others say reserved and shy - not at all with us. She loves her room and the dogs. She will be spending the weekend with us this weekend so we can get to know her better. She and I are going to spend lots of time together over the next few weeks... and by November 10, the Ashers will be introducing our 14 year old girl! 

More info to come soon.... there's so much more to share, but until then, this is what I can give. 
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Unknown said…
God bless you both and thank you for giving of yourself. This young lady is very lucky to have you. I've been through this before with a live-in teenager and it was hard at first, hard in the middle, and especially hard at the end when he had to leave. It's difficult enough raising my own two teenagers, but I'm so glad I get to experience it.
October 13, 2017 at 5:52 AM
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