I've been told for a lot of years now that one of these days I'm going to get tired and burned out. I have simply laughed. "You don't know me!" I've responded, "I'm never tired!"
Time has gone on and the years have passed.... I have moved into a different phase of life. Adding a bigger job to the plate, more community events, boards and committees along with adding the most important hat to the large collection I now wear: the mom hat.
When we first went through the foster parenting classes people told us "get ready, your lives are about to change" - which we found really annoying. Obviously, we knew our lives were about to change. We were ready to a change we assured everyone. Yes, we know we can't drop everything and head out of town for the weekend anymore or go out to an expensive dinner on a whim mid-week - we knew what we were giving up and were completely fine with it. The trade-off is more than worth it.
For the first year or so, we made the expected changes. No more unexpected date nights or weekends away. Lots of dinners at home and weekends as a family. I leaned in on all of it. Got everything done. We pulled together and did what needed to be done. As time has gone by and kids have transitioned in and out I find myself beginning to struggle to keep up. I'm finding it harder to make it to everything I need to be at. It's more and more difficult to celebrate holidays and birthdays while keeping up with work and community engagements... I'm tired.
What's become even more challenging is keeping up with the things easiest to put aside: my relationship with my husband, my family, my friends... and myself. I find myself skipping what keeps me feeling good - the gym, reading, catching up with friends... I am choosing the fire burning hottest rather than the one dwindling... even when the one dwindling is one of the most important... It's becoming harder to keep up and I'm finding myself feeling burned out and exhausted.
So, here I am... going though what I am assured is a normal "mom thing" - feeling inadequate at almost everything and trying desperately to keep all the balls in the air.
The past few weeks I have made choices... I have chosen my amazing daughter and husband. Thankfully I have amazing people in my life who have made that choice easier. They have been understanding and supportive and helped me spackle the cracks. I have chosen to the gym after everyone else goes to bed so I can have time to refocus. I have chosen an afternoon with my daughter over other responsibilities and I have chosen my husband over community engagements. Everything is in phases and I know I won't get everything right... but all of you who said that life was about to change... I'm sorry I got frustrated... it has, but in a completely different way than I anticipated. My priorities have changed. My love has changed. My heart has changed. My life has changed. It's all for the best possible way and best possible reason.
Time has gone on and the years have passed.... I have moved into a different phase of life. Adding a bigger job to the plate, more community events, boards and committees along with adding the most important hat to the large collection I now wear: the mom hat.
When we first went through the foster parenting classes people told us "get ready, your lives are about to change" - which we found really annoying. Obviously, we knew our lives were about to change. We were ready to a change we assured everyone. Yes, we know we can't drop everything and head out of town for the weekend anymore or go out to an expensive dinner on a whim mid-week - we knew what we were giving up and were completely fine with it. The trade-off is more than worth it.
For the first year or so, we made the expected changes. No more unexpected date nights or weekends away. Lots of dinners at home and weekends as a family. I leaned in on all of it. Got everything done. We pulled together and did what needed to be done. As time has gone by and kids have transitioned in and out I find myself beginning to struggle to keep up. I'm finding it harder to make it to everything I need to be at. It's more and more difficult to celebrate holidays and birthdays while keeping up with work and community engagements... I'm tired.
What's become even more challenging is keeping up with the things easiest to put aside: my relationship with my husband, my family, my friends... and myself. I find myself skipping what keeps me feeling good - the gym, reading, catching up with friends... I am choosing the fire burning hottest rather than the one dwindling... even when the one dwindling is one of the most important... It's becoming harder to keep up and I'm finding myself feeling burned out and exhausted.
So, here I am... going though what I am assured is a normal "mom thing" - feeling inadequate at almost everything and trying desperately to keep all the balls in the air.
The past few weeks I have made choices... I have chosen my amazing daughter and husband. Thankfully I have amazing people in my life who have made that choice easier. They have been understanding and supportive and helped me spackle the cracks. I have chosen to the gym after everyone else goes to bed so I can have time to refocus. I have chosen an afternoon with my daughter over other responsibilities and I have chosen my husband over community engagements. Everything is in phases and I know I won't get everything right... but all of you who said that life was about to change... I'm sorry I got frustrated... it has, but in a completely different way than I anticipated. My priorities have changed. My love has changed. My heart has changed. My life has changed. It's all for the best possible way and best possible reason.
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